Another day...another drama....

Living with your soon to be Ex-Husband because it financially suits you both is not as easy as it sounds. Take last night for instance, whilst premature rigamortis was setting in whilst he watched the TV, I...forgot myself for a moment and as I went to the kitchen for a glass of sparkly...I started to veer towards his chair to give him a little kiss....in the moment so to speak.....luckily just before I bent down...(that sounds like I am some gargantuate, Amazonian warrior...I'm not)....I remembered myself and swerved the other way...close shave.


Now whilst the house has never been so tidy, and with my healthy bout of OCD I love that, and things have never been so..... ‘polite’, as ‘The One’ seems to have turned back the clock and reinvented himself as the man I married, all kind, considerate and caring...there is an eerily lingering tension, silently blowing around our feet, like a deadly fog in a Scooby doo movie.....waiting to just rise up and erupt into something..... On the surface everything seems ....’Fine’...but it feels very much unfinished...it’s like being involved I a real life cliff hanger or waiting for the next series of Dynasty to start....Tricky ....very Tricky...

To top it all whilst I make it a rule not to blog about the 9 to 5er....it would seem that I have sparked the most hilarious battle of one up-manship, I would like to say it was all heaving cleavage and sticky lip-gloss, but sadly the firing shots are much more below the belt. Now I have always being in the firing line at the 9 to 5er....and most of it stems from what I choose to wear. Don’t get me wrong I don’t walk out the door at 8.15 am all peekaboo slits, wearing my bra straps as a badge of honour and a cascading avalanche of synthetically twisted platinum hair extensions (for a start I’m not blonde) but I take the mantra of “ I want people to know I’ve made an effort”.....

Not everything I wear is boy pleasing confection...au contraire....sometimes I bring it home for the girls. Sometimes I do get up and want to look Smokin Hot.....but it’s for me... I don’t dress to upset others or earn a kiss from a man, I dress for myself. I am after all the kind of girl that people with clipboards stop in the street and say “ can I ask you about your....mmmm..... hair” or hand out “ Lose 10 pounds in 10 days” leaflets to......non the less my daily fashion extravaganzas often earn me unwanted attention which turn into ammunition, it would seem, for the devil in primarni.

We have a “Dress Code” at work....and as you read this imagine me sticking my hands in the air and mocking speech marks with my fingers around the words “Dress Code”...it is as follows:

Acceptable

Shirts/blouses
Jumpers
Plain T-Shirts/Polo Shirts – small logos acceptable, across chest logos not acceptable
Tank Tops
Tailored trousers
Cropped/full length trousers
Knee length shorts(city shorts)
Skirts/dresses/shorts to be knee length/ no shorter than 3 inches above the knee
Vests – straps should be wider than a bra strap( minimum 1 inch)
Not Acceptable

Strappy vest tops (shoestring)
Pool-side flip-flops(foam based)
Hooded tops
Sportswear
Beachwear
Nothing ‘Off the shoulder’
Logos/slogans/pictures on tops/t shirts
Nothing sheer/see through tops/trousers(eg thin white linen, chiffon – don’t want to see underwear through)
Crop tops
Vest Tops (men)
Bra Straps/backs on show
Visible pants (through or above trousers/skirts)
Leggings
Combats
Halter-neck or backless tops/dresses
Muscle back tops
Floaty numbers
Ugg- boots

I can hear jaws dropping everywhere......

There are many comments that could be made about the above....but I shall leave this to you....I am after all a good Law Abiding Fashionista...and I believe in rules. However whilst I would never try to flout the weaknesses of the above document...you can see how trying to be so stringent in the rules ultimately can in fact have a reverse effect..... for instance...take my favourite blog/website/brilliant hobby www.whatkatiewore.com , look at any given day and Katie will almost always fit in with my 9 to 5er “Dress (do the fingers) Code”, However if Katie were to turn up to my 9 to 5er in any of her outfits of the uber super stylish variety as seen on a daily basis...she too would be in the firing line, so to speak. Now whilst I am not as imaginative, daring, fashion forward or iconic as Katie in my dress sense...I can safely say I’d don’t dress in grey every day either....I’m more your “River Island” Carrie Bradshaw...and thereby lies my problem or at least the other person’s problem.

So yesterday was “Dress down” day...however I just wasn’t feeling it....I was as they say “Tired and Emotional”...I dressed for work as normal...at this moment I need the security of my “Uniform” some may take my Outer pristine uniform of confidence as arrogance, I wonder what they would say if they knew that my confidence was but a shiny, blinding jacket that comes off as soon as I step back through my front door...meanwhile back at the ranch....

... like any good mission it must have taken all day to plan the attack to perfection.....and at 3.55pm, whilst I had my back turned.....in swopped the warning shot like a heat seeking missle....”oh you look very....bland today....of course that would be fancy dress for me....but you look ...well....plain.....” straight to the heart....confirmed hit....the rest of it was a blur....shell shocked......caught off guard and wounded...and then just to seal the deal and finish me off “ Oh and I’ve never spoken to you since you and (The One) split up......I was so surprised (choking back a Cruella De Ville cackle)....still you’re alright aren’t you......” and with that flounced off knowing fine well I wasn’t but feeling rejuvenated as my misery had pumped her higher than any chemical like the emotional equivalent of botox.

There is a general misconception amongst men that women are competitive about their looks, but for most of us, and certainly anyone who follows www.whatkatiewore.com , when we see a girl who’s got it going on in a major way, we just admire the show, after all we know how much work went into it. What was that about sisters sticking together....mmmm......I need to think harder about how to manage the daily steps of out of the frying pan and into the fire........

And already the resolutions are broken......

So..... (there's that word again)...nearly the end of January 2010 and already I have broken my loosely made resolutions to a new life. I am yet to make it to Dance City to master the art of expressing myself through contemporary dance instead of hyperventilating tears....and already my blog is behind.....rubbish Bunny...just rubbish...hey ho we move on.

I managed to make it out into the real world yesterday and down to the local retail park...the plan being to drop Missy, that's my car.......come on everybody gives their car a name don't they ???? don't they?????, mmmm, drop Missy off at the little afganistani car wash for a lovely clean valet and a fresh coat of winter wax, whilst I took back some oddly shaped clothes to Next, shopped for some lovely black lacey tights and drop into Borders for some gorgeous high brow coffee table glossies that I will look at but never read....oh and pop up stairs to Starbucks for a gigantic Full fat, three demerara sugar, Original hot chocolate and a skinny cranberry and orange muffin....mmm..mmmm nom nom nom in my belly ! BUT.....SAC LE BLEUR.......ZUT ALOR (this is just about all the french I know and I say it a lot)....Borders has gone...and with it Starbucks !!!!!! This left a dilema as to what I could do if I droppped Missy off..because sadly all there would be left to do would be buy a carpet or cut price sports socks...such is the choice of retail outlets on my local park....now to be fair there is a T K MAX but unlike the one that Katie shops in, she of http://www.whatkatiewore.com/ our local TKM does not sell Chloe or other such grand designer names......my local TKM is more like a rather large and badly lit charity shop full of no name brands and ployester...no that's never an option....

So instead I decided to simply park up, go straight into NEXT, return my goods, buy some tights and drive to sainsbury's and treat myself to something warm, doughy and gooey from the bakery section...remember that was the plan...however all of that changed in an instant the minute I walked into NEXT.......VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!! now I hadn't thought about it at all how or even if it would affect me......but the minute I walked into that shop I was bombarded with images of fluffy love.....romantic red and pink presents....and at that moment the lump that sits just below by decollate rose up my throat like a geyser blowing it's load and a big fat tear trickled over my big fat hot cheek....the gravity of what is happening has finally sunk in....there will be no valentines day for me this year....and possibly ever..because I have no valentine...and suddenly everywhere I looked it was being thrust into my ever saddening face......all of a sudden I have been transported back to the lonely girl at school with no mysterious cards...."Be my valentine...love ?"

Clearly sticking my head under my soft fluffy pillow and pretending that's it's all a dream is not going to get me through this.......

What a decade......

So 2009 ended in the most spectacular fashion....somewhere in the world...for me it was rather abrupt . On Christmas Day, my husband of 5 years, decided he had had enough and in one very short conversation...about four sentences long to be precise....he had moved himself into another bedroom and ended our marriage. Full Stop. Now, I don't know whether this just hasn't sunk in or whether somewhere deep down I'm relieved...or what....but what I do know is...I'm going to start living...no longer just existing...but living a life...full of wonderful shoes and the expressions of Contemporary Dance...(I of course need to learn this first).

So what happened in the noughties, the edited version, is simple...Got divorced (starter marriage), found out I had a heart condition (Partial Left Bindle Branch Block...rare for someone of my age), found 'The One', married 'The One' in the most bedazzling fashion never seen before and probably never again, moved to Birmingham, hated my life but loved my home, moved back from Birmingham hated my home but loved my life, watched as my favourite dog went to sleep in heaven, became obsessed with MySpace, became bored of MySpace, Got a new dog (more of him to come), happily watched om as my bessie mate was married in a picture postcard scene in Barbados..wish you were here, lost some weight..put on some more, became obsessed with Facebook Farmville....sold up and moved off the Farmville and then ended up alone in a massive Leather Sleigh Bed whilst 'The One' spends all night instant messaging 'Dead Canny ' girls.

So now...I say 'So' a lot don't I.....it's officially the end of my christmas holidays and back to work tomorrow where real life....though not as you know it ....begins.

Aims for 2010 :

1. Update Blog atleast every two days
2. Learn the art of Contemporary Dance
3. Remember to wear Sunglasses when it is sunny
4. Finally get down to 10.5 stone....... atleast
5. See the Nutcracker
6. Always look fabulous !!!!!!!
7. Get a new something lovely from my wishlist
8. Stop obsessing over what is being typed on instant messaging at 1am

There now how hard can it be...now I'm off to see http://www.whatkatiewore.com/ for the last time.....I feel better already xxx